


Rest

by quartzguts



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 01:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18293897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartzguts/pseuds/quartzguts
Summary: Patroka isn't sure of her own feelings. It's something she and Mikhail have in common.





	Rest

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even sure I really ship these two, I just find their interactions fascinating.  
> Mild spoilers for the Torna DLC, in case you haven't played/watched it yet for some reason.

The gentle wirring of the machines let Patroka know that Mikhail was still awake and working. He practically lived in the engine room of the Marsanes, rarely taking breaks to eat or sleep. Patroka wasn't sure he ever even used his room; she'd only seen the panel outside read “occupied” once or twice, and she’d found him passed out in the recesses of the ship far more often.

 

Mikhail was a bit of a mystery. Knowing nothing about a guy even though you lived with him was a little unnerving. Akhos had managed to wring some information out of Jin; it mostly boiled down to Mikhail knowing Jin and Malos before Torna had been founded. She knew it bothered him to have gaps in his knowledge, but his trust in Jin was strong enough that he accepted it when he said they were better off not knowing about the past.

 

Patroka hadn't thought much about it at first. After weeks of sharing meals, going on missions together, and living in the same space, she figured she’d at least learn something about Mikhail. But everytime it seemed like she was making progress, he would go off and do something unexpected, and she’d be back at square one. Every part of his personality seemed elaborately fabricated to make it impossible for people to discern what he was really thinking. He played at being a ladies' man, but intentionally laid it on so thick any woman would be scared off. He pretended to be useless, but was actually one of the finest mechanics in Alrest.

 

He constantly confessed his love for her, but something about the sleazy way he did it made her question his sincerity.

 

The truth was, although they were constantly paired on missions together and she probably spent more time with him than anyone else, Patroka didn’t know him at all. And despite how contradictory it seemed, she wanted to.

 

The engine room was only partially illuminated by the blue light of the Marsanes’s engines. Patroka could barely make out Mikhail's figure, kneeling in front of on open panel on the wall as he fiddled with some wires. The floor was a mess of tools and spare parts - Patroka grimaced at how messy he was. Mikhail was muttering to himself, so focused that he didn't even notice her come up next to him to lean against the wall.

 

“Hey.”

 

“What the - ow!” Mikhail yelped, yanking back the finger he had shocked on the exposed wires. “Don't surprise me like that, Patroka! I could've died!”

 

“Sure, because a blade could totally die from a little electrical shock. You're pretty pathetic, you know.”

 

“Aw, don't be mean,” Mikhail whined. “Besides, I'm not really a blade. Electricity still hurts!” He snapped the panel shut and rose to his feet a little shakily. Patroka instinctively reached out a hand to steady him.

 

Mikhail took it, using her arm to balance himself as he stood up straight. Patroka frowned when she saw the dark circles under his eyes and the messy knots in his hair.

 

“You look terrible,” she said bluntly as she pulled away, trying to look casual. “When was the last time you slept?”

 

“Huh, I'm not really sure.” He mirrored her, leaning against the wall. The pale blue light made his skin look sickly. “Maybe a few days.”

 

“A few days?” Patroka hissed. “What are you going to do if we're attacked? Pass out as a distraction?”

 

“That's not actually a bad idea,” Mikhail said. “But man, your crush must be bad if you're down here worrying about my sleeping schedule! Or maybe… you wanted to -”

 

“Say one more word and I'll cut your tongue out.”

 

“‘Kay.”

 

They stood there in silence for a little while longer. Patroka worriedly teased her bottom lip with her teeth, shooting glances over at Mikhail. He was blinking heavily, occasionally rubbing at his eyes with such force that he must've been seeing stars. Patroka knew what that was like. Pressing against shut eyelids so hard they feel like bursting. Fireworks of light sparkling in the darkness. It was the same kind of exhaustion she and Akhos had felt when they were running from the Praetorium. No rest, no shelter, no thought - only fear.

 

Mikhail always recoiled at the mention of the Praetorium. But there was nothing to be afraid of here. They were safe.

 

Patroka grabbed him by the arm and yanked him away from the wall. “Let's go. You need to sleep.”

 

Mikhail surprised her by leaving the obvious flirtatious response unsaid. Instead he leaned against her as she steered him through the dark halls, navigating mostly by memory to the habitation ward of the ship. The little panels next to the doors glowed the same blue as the engines. Akhos was already in bed, and while Jin's room was empty, that probably just meant he was in Malos's.

 

Mikhail stifled a yawn. “Guess it is kinda late, huh?” He asked.

 

“No shit,” Patroka replied, although it lacked her usual venom. Something about seeing Mikhail so worn out was activating the same protective feelings she felt whenever Akhos was in distress. Maybe it was just her latent instincts as a blade. Whether she liked it or not, the feeling was there, and it wouldn't go away until she fixed the problem.

 

Mikhail whined a little when he pressed his wounded finger against the lock panel to open the door to his bedroom. Patroka hesitated for a moment before following him inside.

 

She didn't close the door after her. It would be a pain in the ass if she gave him the wrong idea. Jin wouldn't be happy if she killed his old friend, after all.

 

Mikhail tiredly shrugged out of his armor, groaning as he hit the bed in his black undersuit. He flipped on a lamp on his nightstand, and yawned as the light hit his eyes. Patroka stifled a yawn of her own with the back of her hand.

 

“You know, I've heard that people yawn when those close to them do. You think that means -”

 

“No.”

 

“Gotcha.”

 

Patroka knew she should leave. But something was tying her feet to the floor, holding her in place. There was something about this man that made her heart ache. Deep beneath the flirtations and carefree attitude was something profoundly tired. Mikhail's exhaustion ran much deeper than simple sleep deprivation. Patroka wanted to know where it came from, and why he was so desperate to hide it.

 

 _It’s a pain in the ass not knowing,_ she thought to herself. _I’m only curious. Once I figure it out, I’ll stop thinking about him._

 

“So,” Mikhail said, reclining on his bed to gaze up at her, “you gonna join me, or-?”

 

“Not a chance,” Patroka said. “I was just wondering.”

 

“...about?”

 

“Who the hell you are, for one.” She moved to lean against the wall by the door. From there, the soft glow of the desk lamp - the only furnishing in the otherwise barren room - should cast deep shadows on her face. It was better if Mikhail couldn’t see her expression. “Why are you so obsessed with fixing up the Marsanes? It works fine.”

 

“Huh. Good question.” Mikhail flipped over so he was looking up the ceiling, his hands tucked behind his head. “Never thought about it much. I guess I'm just trying to do my part.”

 

“Liar,” Patroka accused. “You work yourself ragged. That's more than just 'doing your part.’ Try again.”

 

“Okay, you got me. I just want all of this to be over as quickly as possible.”

 

Patroka raised an eyebrow. She’d expected her question to be met with more bullshit, not a seemingly honest answer. “Oh?”

 

Mikhail sighed. “You and Akhos wouldn't understand. You've only been flesh eaters for - what, a few years? I've been _like this_ for five hundred.”

 

Patroka snorted. “What does that matter? Don't all humans envy blade immortality?”

 

“I'm not immortal,” Mikhail snapped. The irritation in his voice startled her. She'd never heard him sound that bitter before. “And I don't want to be. Eternal life sucks. I've been around for so long that everything's lost meaning. And the more the years pass, the more death and horror I see, the more I think that this world - that the _humans_ \- would be better off dead. There's nothing left for me to live for other than making sure Jin accomplishes his goal.”

 

“I'm… sorry,” she said hesitantly, not really knowing what else to say. Living only for destruction sounded like its own special hell. Like a dark void you could never crawl out of.

 

Was she any different? She knew the answer before she finished asking herself the question. An echo of Akhos's voice, deep in the back of her mind, told her that he was living for her, his beloved sister. And although she tried to deny it, she was living for him, too. No matter what, they had each other.

 

The thought gave her an idea. She cleared her throat. “That really does sound like it sucks. But… you do have us, you know.”

 

Mikhail sat up suddenly and looked at her. The sheer openness of his expression pierced her core. “What do you mean?” He asked.

 

“You have Jin and Malos and Akhos and… you have me, too. So you actually have a lot more to live for than just… this. You're not alone, got it?”

 

Patroka cringed at her own words. She had always sucked at that type of emotional mush. She expected Mikhail to brush her off, but of course, he surprised her again.

 

His laughter started as a chuckle and snowballed into a complete fit. It was different than the teasing snickering Patroka was used to - it sounded painful, like each laugh was only there to cover a sob. Patroka stood frozen as Mikhail slowly calmed down from his temporary outburst.

 

“You know,” he said finally. “I haven't really had _anyone_ in five hundred years. First my whole village was slaughtered, then I lost the family I found, and now everyone I used to know who's still around has either changed more than I could imagine or doesn't remember me at all.” His eyes were wet when he looked at her. Patroka’s heart beat fast. “I'd stopped caring about people centuries ago. But when I look at you… I'm not sure what it is, really. I can't tell what I'm feeling anymore.”

 

Patroka felt like her heart was soaring far above the Cloud Sea. As if some force had taken over her body, she stepped forward. “What's it like?” she asked.

 

“I'm not sure how to describe it. It's just like… I wanna be near you. I don't like it when we're apart.”

 

She placed a knee on the edge of the bed.  “Yeah?”

 

“And… I don't like the thought of you being unhappy.”

 

“You make me unhappy when you flirt with me.” Patroka sat down. Mikhail shifted so he was facing her.

 

“Yeah, I know. But you're so cute I can't help it,” he teased, although there was something softer than usual about it.

 

“I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now,” he whispered. Patroka had never heard him speak so quietly. She leaned in closer, the vulnerability in his eyes drawing her in.

 

“Are you really sure about that?” she murmured as she pressed her lips against his.

 

There was nothing particularly spectacular about the kiss. No wild passion, no bursting emotion. Just a quiet peace which was broken when Mikhail pulled away.

 

“Yeah,” he said, and by the tone of his voice Patroka knew he was lying, “I am.”

 

Whatever reason he had for denying his feelings, Patroka didn't know. Maybe he was afraid of what would happen when they achieved their goals and the world ended. Maybe he didn't want to risk upsetting her again. Maybe it was something a lot more complicated, something twisted around the past he kept hidden from her.

 

Patroka suddenly felt very angry. After months of playful flirting and declarations of love, she finally admitted her own feelings and what did she get? Some half baked confession that Mikhail didn't know if he really loved her? She felt utterly ridiculous.

 

“Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “Whatever.”

 

“Patroka,” Mikhail murmured. There wasn't any pause or suggestion of something further he wanted to say. Just her name. The sound of it shook her to her core. Patroka hated how much this man could affect her without even trying.

 

“See you in the morning,” she said, getting up to leave. She hesitated at the door, the hall seeming unusually cold and empty, waiting for him to say something to make her stay.

 

Unlike many, many times before, Mikhail did not disappoint. “I’m sorry. I know I'm being unfair to you,” he said softly. “Please don't go?”

 

Patroka let out a shaky breath. This time, when she stepped back into his room, she closed the door.

 

She shoved Mikhail down against the bed, kicked off her shoes, and turned off the light. The soft glow of their core crystals washed the room in blue and red, mixing to make a gentle violet. She crawled onto the bed next to him.

 

“Oh, so you _do_ want to -”

 

“In your dreams, Mik. Shut up and go to sleep.” She pushed him over onto his side, facing him away from her so he couldn't see the blush on her face. “I'll be here when you wake up.”

 

“That's a nice thought. It's been a while since I had someone to say hello to in the morning,” Mikhail said. “Okay. Goodnight then.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

He fell asleep quickly. Patroka stayed up for a little longer, listening to him breathe. She had always hated the world, but she might regret its destruction just a little if Mikhail was destroyed along with it.


End file.
